The Nightmare Gig

Okay picture it - you have just spent the equivalent of a months wages on tickets to see the Stones. You get to the venue all pumped up and eagerly awaiting the evenings performance.

Just for a laugh 3 questions.

1) What would be the worst possible setlist they could do? (the setlist can include covers & solo tracks)
2) Who would be the worst possible guests they could have on with them?
3) If they played this setlist after you had spent so much money what would you do?

1. The setlist:

Gomper
Indian Girl
Don't Be A Stranger
Angie
Suck On The Jugular
Wild Horses
Sweet Neo Con
Stealing My Heart
Streets of Love
Dangerous Beauty
Start Me Up
Satisfaction


2. Worst guest - Niki Minaj, Taylor Swift, One Direction

3. I would have a pint w/IORRians after the gig and talk about Gomper.

Imagine them doing "All you need is Love" with Macca, Ringo, Julian, Dahni and Yoko Ono - that would be a nightmare.

1 Start Me Up
2 You Got Me Rockin
3 IORR
4 JJF
5 BS
6 Miss YOu
7 Gimme Shelter
8 Sympathy
9 Happy
10 Sleeping Away
10 Sympathy
11 Tumbiling Dice
12 LSTNT
13 Angie
14 Honkty Tonk Woman
15 Satisfaction
16 YCAGWYW

It's all great songs but i love suprises. This is very predictible setlist.

2
Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, Rhianna

3 Anyway happy

The worst guest would be Dave Matthews...

Benjamin.

And I will always be a little bit disapointed if they don't play Midnight Rambler. The best shows I've seen were with MR.

Benjamin.

Worst guest would be ANY Rapper.

Quote
mtaylor
Imagine them doing "All you need is Love" with Macca, Ringo, Julian, Dahni and Yoko Ono - that would be a nightmare.

Sons of Beatles!

A realistic nighmare scenario would be, what if keith completely loses his place a few songs into the show and fails to realize he's playing the wrong song in the wrong key. Then when ronnie or mick try to point it out to him, he just keeps playing harder in the wrong key, making up chords, ect. The more ron& mick try to reach keith, he just keeps playing l, doing the leg kick move, and making monkey kissy faces. And this continues through the entire show for the rest of the tour.

I love stuff like this!!

Ok, you go to a stones show, ok lemme see how bad I can make this

Before the stones come on the supporting act is Phil Collins, he duets with mick on In The Air Tonight. He has a special opening spot so his set lasts for 2 and a half hours. He concentrates on all his ultra commercial stuff like against all odds etc. During The Phil Collins set you accidentally get dosed with acid. You start having a really bad trip during Phils rendition of You Cant Hurry Love. When the acid trip gets really bad a drunk woman vomits on you, you are smashed in the front row shoulder to shoulder and cant move. Phils set is over and before the stones comeon they are blasting Meddle by Pink Floyd ULTRA loud and One of These days is completely flipping you out.

The lights dim and out comes Yoko Ono, you are completely having a bad trip. She starts into a 45 minute speech on world peace and john. Heidi Klum and seal then come out and perform a rebndition of Whatever Gets you Through The Night with yoko in an avant garde performance of the song using construction nails, a hammer and an enameled bath tub. Then out comes The German band toten Hosen and they all perform Imagine, george Micheals and Peter Gabriel join in and phil Collins.

This ends and you are completely peaking on your bad acid trip, the between set PA music is Nickelback and Lady gaga.

The stones come out, Ernie Watts is on sax and Mick is in full 1981 football tights. They open with Down in The Hole into Gomper.

Next into Cant You Hear me Knocking where Chuck Leveal and ernie Watts do a 40 minute sax and keyboard duel. In the intro Keith abandons Open G because he cannot be bothered anymore, he plays the whole show in standard tuning as does ronnie.

Bob Wier and Mickey Hart of The Grateful Dead comes out and does a speech on Obama and saving the endangered south american cave bat. They then do a drums and space with Chuck Leveal.

Mick comes back out aand introduces some Dub DJ and they do juiced, Suck on The Jugular, and Shes the Boss.

The curtain then comes down and the finale is Yoko Ono singing The Star Spangled Banner.

You get back to your hotel and the toilet flooded.

Oh yah and Enimem did salt Of The Earth.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 2012-11-29 01:12 by TheBostonStrangler.

Ok,the whole concert is a two hour rendition of "Let's Work" - with inflatables of Chuck eventually covering the entire stage.

The stones play only Christmas carols (silent night, jingle bells, deck the halls, frosty the snowman etc.)

Guests include tony Bennett, Psy, Barbara Streisand and mitt Romney on cowbell.

While jjf is listed as set closer, they have to cut it due to curfew.

Quote
TheBostonStrangler
I love stuff like this!!

Ok, you go to a stones show, ok lemme see how bad I can make this

Before the stones come on the supporting act is Phil Collins, he duets with mick on In The Air Tonight. He has a special opening spot so his set lasts for 2 and a half hours. He concentrates on all his ultra commercial stuff like against all odds etc. During The Phil Collins set you accidentally get dosed with acid. You start having a really bad trip during Phils rendition of You Cant Hurry Love. When the acid trip gets really bad a drunk woman vomits on you, you are smashed in the front row shoulder to shoulder and cant move. Phils set is over and before the stones comeon they are blasting Meddle by Pink Floyd ULTRA loud and One of These days is completely flipping you out.

The lights dim and out comes Yoko Ono, you are completely having a bad trip. She starts into a 45 minute speech on world peace and john. Heidi Klum and seal then come out and perform a rebndition of Whatever Gets you Through The Night with yoko in an avant garde performance of the song using construction nails, a hammer and an enameled bath tub. Then out comes The German band toten Hosen and they all perform Imagine, george Micheals and Peter Gabriel join in and phil Collins.

This ends and you are completely peaking on your bad acid trip, the between set PA music is Nickelback and Lady gaga.

The stones come out, Ernie Watts is on sax and Mick is in full 1981 football tights. They open with Down in The Hole into Gomper.

Next into Cant You Hear me Knocking where Chuck Leveal and ernie Watts do a 40 minute sax and keyboard duel. In the intro Keith abandons Open G because he cannot be bothered anymore, he plays the whole show in standard tuning as does ronnie.

Bob Wier and Mickey Hart of The Grateful Dead comes out and does a speech on Obama and saving the endangered south american cave bat. They then do a drums and space with Chuck Leveal.

Mick comes back out aand introduces some Dub DJ and they do juiced, Suck on The Jugular, and Shes the Boss.

The curtain then comes down and the finale is Yoko Ono singing The Star Spangled Banner.

You get back to your hotel and the toilet flooded.

Oh yah and Enimem did salt Of The Earth.

great one, I wouldn`t mind "die toten hosen" ;-)

They've already had the worst guest, Amy, she didn't even know the words.

No-one's mentioned Biebs, that would be awe inspiringly bad, it would make a bad trip feel like a stubbed toe.....

great one, I wouldn`t mind "die toten hosen" ;-)[/quote]

Replace them with Tokio Hotel then.

worst set:

1. start me up
2. you got me rocking
3. its only rock n roll
4. doom n gloom
5. wild horses
6. you can always get what you want
7. all down the line
8. tumbling dice
9. slipping away
10. happy
11. miss you
12. honky tonk woman
13. satisfaction
14. jumping jack flash
15. brown sugar
16. sympathy for the devil

i think we all agree - great songs - but played all the freakn time

worst guest:
justin bieber

WWID:
puke after bieber, head to a bar and get pissed

A gig without Charlie or Keith...

Gomper has a nice melody to it, I would like to hear live ...

2 1 2 0

Worst set-list would be one made up entirely of post-81 songs.
The worst "guest" is already there playing keyboards and he considers himself one of the Stones so what can a poor boy do.

Quote
Cineplexed
The stones play only Christmas carols (silent night, jingle bells, deck the halls, frosty the snowman etc.)

Guests include tony Bennett, Psy, Barbara Streisand and mitt Romney on cowbell.

While jjf is listed as set closer, they have to cut it due to curfew.

The above is absolutely hilarious... I just giggled, and I am at work and probably shouldn't be on iorr. Mitt Romney on cowbell. I love it. I suppose Keith's set would be Run Run Rudolph and O Holy Night.

Quote
TheBostonStrangler
great one, I wouldn`t mind "die toten hosen" ;-)

Replace them with Tokio Hotel then.[/quote]

damn yes ;-)

1. Barbara Ann
2. You're Having My Baby
3. Snoopy vs the Red Baron - w/ Paris Hilton.
4. I am Woman - w/ Yoko Ono yodeling.
5. My Humps
6. Sister Christian w/ the entire band Night Ranger.
7. Satisfaction w/ Mitt Romney
8. Bumble Boogie w/ these folks...




At this point, the entire audience walks out and the show ends prematurely. The Stones announce their retirement. I go home and tell everyone about the show, but nobody believes me and I am placed in an insane asylum. Next week, "Bumble Boogie" hits number one on the charts. Accordion sales skyrocket. Soon, everybody in the world is playing "Bumble Boogie" and the world descends into chaos. The world economy collapses and everyone goes broke except for accordion manufacturers who now rule the world.

Gonna keep this to Stones songs and roughly a length they would play.

Start Me Up
Get off Of My Cloud
Shattered
Gimme Shelter (featuring a later generation musician that cannot get into the soul of the song)
Some Girls
Fool To Cry
Angie
Happy
Miss You
Tumbling Dice
Brown Sugar
Honkey Tonk Women
Satisfaction

The Nightmare Gig

Wanting to give the fans something to remember, a lot of preparation is done in the lead up to the gig. You could say that no stone is left unturned in fact. For instance, the band recruit Simon Cowell to produce a Live Album of the gig. Also, logistics receive prior attention. It turns out that Charlie Watts is due to attend a charity function on the evening of the gig but Mick says not to worry, as he will arrange for his private helicopter to pick Charlie up so he will arrive 5 minutes before the start of the show. However, like chinese whispers, at some point as this order is passed down the chain of command, there is a misunderstanding and when the helicopter arrives 5 minutes before showtime the band discover that Charlie Watts is not onboard and Ernie Watts has been flown over by mistake. As a result the band have to perform the entire concert backed by a drum machine.

The band are further hampered because shortly before the gig Mick loses his voice. Thankfully Justin Beiber is backstage and kindly agrees to sing all of Mick's vocals from behind a curtain whilst Mick mimes to Beiber's vocals onstage.

The Stones get introduced by master of ceremonies Noel Edmonds and come out wearing T-Shirts saying:

"Got no money left because our tickets are so expensive?
Go to Wonga your friendly multinational loanshark.
Only 4 thousand percent interest.
Official tour sponsors."

The crowd are on their feet as the band start the show with a blistering rendition of "Just Another Night".

Halfway through the song, Mick mimics the bit in the video where he throws his guitar away. However, he is not looking where it is going when he throws it and it knocks Ronnie over and, as a result, Ronnie ends up with a broken arm. In the best showbusiness tradition, the rest of the band continue playing without as much as a blip. Meanwhile, Ronnie receives medical attention. His arm is put in a cast and sling. For the rest of the night he plays one handed air guitar and jokes that it is not the first time that he has been plastered on stage.

Then all of a sudden Justin Beiber needs to go to the toilet and so Chuck Leavell launches into a 10 minute piano improvisation whilst the band are waiting for Beiber's return from the Men's room so he can sing the last verse. It turns out that Beiber must have eaten something that has upset his stomach as he needs to go to the toilet halfway through each song for the remainder of the evening. Thankfully, Chuck Leavell is able to keep the joint rockin' with 10 minute piano improvisations on each occasion.

As part of the sponsorship deal with Wonga, the band have agreed, wherever possible, to alter the lyrics of the songs to get another plug in for Wonga.

"Let's Spend The Night Together" becomes "Let's Borrow Some Money Off Wonga".
"Jumpin' Jack Flash" is also transformed:

"But it's alright now
In fact it's a gas
It's alright now
Wonga's lent me cash
It's a gas gas gas"

Now time for the first special guest star.
Yes thats right Ladies and Gentleman a big hand please for Kim Kardashian.

The song is "(Si Si) Je Suis Un Reality TV Star".

Next is "Might As Well Get Juiced" with revised lyrics "Might As Well Get A Loan Off Wonga".

Next is "Biggest Mistake". Once again the audience are treated to new improved lyrics:

"Wonga offered him money but he turned them down
No wonder he is an outcast forever wearing a frown
And I think he just made the biggest mistake of his life"

The next special guest is Bill Wyman. However Bill does not come on with his bass guitar - he comes on with his metal detector instead.

"This Place Is Empty" begins - again with new lyrics:

"This wallet is empty
so empty without Wonga"

Throughout this song Bill walks around the stage with his metal detector. When the song has finished Bill complains that he is unable to find any money even with his metal detector. Keith says "Oh Bill that's too bad... have you thought of going to Wonga?". Bill says "no... who are Wonga?". Keith says "You don't know who Wonga are? No wonder you can't get no satisfaction". Keith then explains that "Wonga is the worlds most innovative credit provider" and that the Stones are "proud to have them on board as official sponsors". Bill says "sounds good but how do I get help off Wonga?". Keith gets out his laptop and shows Bill how to go to the Wonga website and borrow money. Keith's laptop is connected to the giant screen so the audience can see what he is doing and also benefit from Keith's Wonga tutorial.

Bill says "Well thanks Keith - now I've got help off Wonga I guess I don't need my metal detector anymore". The Special Effects team have arranged it so that Bill presses a button and his metal detector will go on fire. However, Bill presses the wrong button and the guitars go on fire instead. As a result Keith has to perform the remainder of the concert with Bill's metal detector.

"Gimme Shelter" is next but, by Wonga's insistence, the lyric is changed to "Gimme Credit". Jodie Marsh sings the female part.

"Dear Doctor" becomes "Dear Wonga".

Then Street Fighting Man with new lyrics:

"Oh what can a poor boy do
'cept to sing for £16 million?"

Crazy frog sings this one with them.

Okay folks - you asked for it - by popular demand "Gomper" is next.

The next guest star is Iain Duncan Smith to sing "Let's Work".

Next is "Don't Stop" which becomes "Don't Stop Borrowing Off Wonga".

Next is "One More Shot" which becomes "One More Loan". Gareth Gates sings this one with the lads.

Next the Children's choir come on to sing on "You Can't Always Get What You Want", which also features new lyrics:

"You can't always get what you want
But if you go to Wonga you will find you get what you need"

Now time for another very special guest star.
The Children's Choir remain on stage to accompany convicted paedophile Gary Glitter as he sings a medley of "As Tears Go By" followed by "Stray Cat Blues" followed by "Little Baby".

The encore is a reprise of "Just Another Night".

During this final number Charlie Watts finally arrives, having had to travel by taxi. Charlie is absolutely furious and a fight breaks out onstage. Charlie is so angry that the police have to be called to restrain him and he ends up spending the night in the cells.

A year later, the band announce they are to perform again. There is some controversy when it is announced that ticket prices will increase by 4 thousand percent in order to pay off all of the interest the Stones owe to Wonga, but the band release an official statement saying they think that "£70 billion is about right".



Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 2012-12-02 15:42 by salty.

The wost guest?

Well, Jeck Beckham was a very very noisy guest. But sure I will not want to hear Michael Angelo Batio doing a tapping-double-guitar solo on "Satisfaction" or any song.





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"I'm gonna walk... before they make me run"

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Quote
71Tele

Quote
mtaylor
Imagine them doing "All you need is Love" with Macca, Ringo, Julian, Dahni and Yoko Ono - that would be a nightmare.

Sons of Beatles!

Couldn't be worse - Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnni, what a ridiculous name....

I was reading the WONGA reply in a hotel resturaunt at a convention, I couldnt stop laughing while reading it on my phone and the dining room just stared at me.

Even more "Doom and Gloom" in this thread!

They're back and that's not bad!

Been Stoned since 1964 and still am!

The warm up band is a tap-dancing, Irish dwarf who taps out of time with a pipes-playing Cornish fisherman.

The Stones leap out onto the stage to play an instrumental version of Get Of Off My Cloud.

This segues into a Keith triple-spot where he murders How Can I Stop, Hurricane and a cover of Chesney Hawke's one and only hit song, I Am the One and Only.

Charlie does the band introductions, and it's off into the final home stretch with blistering versions of My Way, Sweet Neocon and I Got a Combine Harvester (the Wurzles guest for this part).

Then it's bows and all off stage before the local council turns off the electricity and the Tube stops running (so everyone can get home in time for Newsnight at 10:30pm on BBC2).



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2012-12-08 22:16 by tomcat2006.

@salty You just made this my favorite thread in a long time... mind blown