Frog Story - because none of us need to take things too seriously!!


1.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, " There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(ahem, here we go now.......)


The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone."


(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)

Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!
Have a lovely day

Very cute Sara...........Thank you for that.

"It's just some friends of mine and they're busting down the door"

Chicken hops into a library... down the stairs, across the floor, jumps up on the counter, looks at the librarian and says "Bawk." The librarian looks at the chicken, thinks for a minute, then picks up a book from the cart and puts it on the counter. The chicken picks it up, tucks it under its wing, hops of the counter, across the floor, up the stairs and disappears. Librarian thinks - that's some crazy chicken...

Next day, the chicken is back with the book. Hops down the stairs, across the floor, jumps up on the counter, drops the book, looks at the librarian and says "Bawk, bawk." The librarian, ingrigued, takes 2 books from the cart and puts them on the counter. The chicken picks them up, tucks them under its wings, hops of the counter, across the floor, up the stairs and disappears. Librarian is baffled.

Next day, the chicken is back with both books. Hops down the stairs, across the floor, jumps up on the counter, drops the books, looks at the librarian and says "Bawk, bawk, bawk." The librarian takes 3 books from the cart and puts them on the counter. The chicken picks them up, tucks them under its wings, hops of the counter, across the floor, up the stairs and the librarian... follows the chicken. Out the door, around the lane, through the hedge to the river, where the chicken drops the books in front of a frog.

The frog looks up at the chicken and says (I am so very sorry...)...

"Reddit, reddit, reddit."

Hey Toronto,at which local chuckles will you be playing this weekend?

"It's just some friends of mine and they're busting down the door"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2007-07-20 04:56 by sweetcharmedlife.

Ah, don't encourage me, SCL!

Bananana's is it???????..............meanwhile I was thinking..................

"It's just some friends of mine and they're busting down the door"

A scottish farmer, MacTavish, was becoming very concerned that someone was molesting his sheep, especially when they were grazing the far pasture out of sight of his farm. He decided to stake the pasture out and try to catch the person in the act. After several hours, his neighbour, MacLeod, could be seen creeping along the fence, making for one of the sheep. MacTavish, furious, yelled as loud as he could:

"Hey! MacLeod! Get offa my ewe!"

SomeTorontoGirl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> A scottish farmer, MacTavish, was becoming very
> concerned that someone was molesting his sheep,
> especially when they were grazing the far pasture
> out of sight of his farm. He decided to stake the
> pasture out and try to catch the person in the
> act. After several hours, his neighbour, MacLeod,
> could be seen creeping along the fence, making for
> one of the sheep. MacTavish, furious, yelled as
> loud as he could:
>
> "Hey! MacLeod! Get offa my ewe!"

That's it STG...........Game misconduct,High-Schticking.

"It's just some friends of mine and they're busting down the door"

sweetcharmedlife Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
That's it STG...........Game misconduct,High-Schticking.

Yeah - sometimes you've just got to take the penalty to get your hits in!

(No leniency for being Stones-related??? That's cold, dude!)

I've posted this before, but I think it may be more appropriate here...

This story, which was e-mailed to me last year.

WESTON, Conn. (AP) — Having accused him of being a party crasher, pet abuser, and shape-shifting witch, Keith Richards’ neighbors in wealthy Weston are relieved to see the Rolling Stones’ guitarist head out on a long tour.

It’s been nearly a year since Richards crashed Harris and Sally Whiteburger’s Memorial Day barbecue, turning a pleasant day with friends and family into a near inferno that destroyed a 200-year-old barn and sent 12 guests and several pets to the hospital. Standing outside their 18th century farmhouse in the rolling green landscape of well-heeled Weston, the Whiteburgers described how Richards showed up playing electric guitar and calling everyone "Ronnie." After urinating on the side of the barn, Richards started a fire when ashes from his cigarette "accidentally" dropped on a gasoline can.

"As soon as I heard his guitar, my stomach just dropped, but I had no idea how bad things were going to get," said Harris Whiteburger, an attorney who works in Manhattan. "I was going to sue him, but some of the other neighbors told me I’d regret it if I did."

Several people in the Weston community, most of whom did not want to be identified, confirmed that Richards, the 62-year-old multimillionaire and former junkie, treats every neighborhood get-together, from birthdays to baby showers, like a Stones’ concert. Those who complain about it, however, invariably end up facing serious misfortune.

"It was my son’s 8th birthday last November and, just as we’re having cake, we hear this banging on the front door and that voice of his, ‘come on mates, I seen the balloons on the mailbox, let me in’," recalls Thad Coddington, who said Richards gave his son a knife for a present and then proceeded to play a five song set. "These little kids are sitting around playing with an 8-inch hunting knife and listening to Keith play ‘Little T & A’ and ‘Happy’."

After Coddington, the Whiteburgers, and several other neighbors secretly complained to police and the Weston Board of Selectmen, strange things began happening, everything from lawnmowers being stolen to dogs turning up with slickened fur and their tails shortened.

"He showed up at my door one morning looking for a snowblower. I lied and told him I didn’t have one," said Ward Bigsby, who said that when he woke up the next morning his snowblower and riding mower were gone and a big red tongue was painted on his bathroom wall. "I didn’t hear anything and all the doors were locked. He’s some kind of goddamned goblin!"

For his part, Richards says he’s just trying to fit in reasonably well and bide time between tours.

"Look, when Patti (Hansen) and I moved here, these cats came around trying to get me to play golf and join the historical society. You know that’s not gonna happen, man," says Richards, dangling a cigarette in one hand and showing off his famous skull ring on the other. "This is where I’m at. The rest of it is skin deep, and I can’t change who I am. I’m gonna walk before they make me run".

SomeTorontoGirl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> A scottish farmer, MacTavish, was becoming very
> concerned that someone was molesting his sheep,
> especially when they were grazing the far pasture
> out of sight of his farm. He decided to stake the
> pasture out and try to catch the person in the
> act. After several hours, his neighbour, MacLeod,
> could be seen creeping along the fence, making for
> one of the sheep. MacTavish, furious, yelled as
> loud as he could:
>
> "Hey! MacLeod! Get offa my ewe!"


shouldn't he have come across the sheep mounting his neighbor and yelled "hey ewe get off of Macleod"?

HalfNanker Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> SomeTorontoGirl Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > A scottish farmer, MacTavish, was becoming very
> > concerned that someone was molesting his sheep,
> > especially when they were grazing the far
> pasture
> > out of sight of his farm. He decided to stake
> the
> > pasture out and try to catch the person in the
> > act. After several hours, his neighbour,
> MacLeod,
> > could be seen creeping along the fence, making
> for
> > one of the sheep. MacTavish, furious, yelled as
> > loud as he could:
> >
> > "Hey! MacLeod! Get offa my ewe!"
>
>
> shouldn't he have come across the sheep mounting
> his neighbor and yelled "hey ewe get off of
> Macleod"?


Now that would have been funny.

HalfNanker Wrote:

shouldn't he have come across the sheep mounting his neighbor and yelled "hey ewe get off of Macleod"?

...could have, but then it would not have been a very clever pun!

Maybe some puns don't travel too far...

but whats the "reddit" about?

read it - yeah, but then...?^^