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SwayStones

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Edith Grove
“What’s he like?”

Did I have a good understanding of the joke ?
The guard said " What is he like " & meant "What does he look like"
The little boy understood "What does his grandpa like " ?
Am I good here ?

Hi Sway....'What's he like ?' could be as you say be What is he like ?....what(i)'s he like ?.. but can also be 'What does he like ?'....what(doe)'s he like ?.......when spoken they both sound the same, in order to tell the difference one has to be aware of the context of use.....the joke is that the little boy has mis-understood the context of the guards question and answers the question 'What does he like ?'......so yes you're good......

I met a woman and she told me...."well baby...... well the blues ain't bad"...........

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EddieByword

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SwayStones

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Edith Grove
“What’s he like?”

Did I have a good understanding of the joke ?
The guard said " What is he like " & meant "What does he look like"
The little boy understood "What does his grandpa like " ?
Am I good here ?

Hi Sway....'What's he like ?' could be as you say be What is he like ?....what(i)'s he like ?.. but can also be 'What does he like ?'....what(doe)'s he like ?.......when spoken they both sound the same, in order to tell the difference one has to be aware of the context of use.....the joke is that the little boy has mis-understood the context of the guards question and answers the question 'What does he like ?'......so yes you're good......

Ahhh...thanks Eddie .
So I was almost good

Have you heard about the new movie called constipation?
It hasn't come out yet.

How many cavaliers does it take to change a light bulb?

-None. They hate roundhead shape.

Students in a high school Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was worth 70 points:

'Name seven advantages of mother's milk.'

A future Texas Aggie in the classroom wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then, he was stuck. Finally in desperation, just before the bell
rang, he wrote...

7) It comes in 2 cute containers.

The boy got an A
-------------------------------

"Doctor please, some more men please,
To Cotchford Farm, out by the pool...

What a drag it is they couldn't revive him"

Brian Jones 2/28/42 - 7/2/69

Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy.
The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said,
"I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"

This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said,
"I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."

The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home,
"Oh no,I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."
"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.

After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.

Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home,
"Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."
"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.

After several more hours of concentration,the first blonde finally comes up with another idea,
"I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"

Two Welsh boys in a pub talking about how David Beckham named his first child...."Called him after the place where he was conceived they did....shagging in Brooklyn New York they was"...................
"Oh yeah........lucky my mother never did that then.....I would have been called Neath-railway-station-carpark"
"You'd have been posh mun....better than double barreled that is".............

I met a woman and she told me...."well baby...... well the blues ain't bad"...........



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 2011-07-11 16:36 by EddieByword.

A catholic priest and a rabbi go for a walk on the countryside. It is hot that day and when they arrive at a fount, the rabbi says 'hey, let us undress and take a bath!' The priest is reluctant first but gives in eventually. The water barely reaches their knees but is refreshingly cool. When they are just about to get out and dress again, they hear the stamping and chatting of a touring company that is approaching quickly. The priest immediately covers up his genitals with his hands and stands in astonishment when he notices that the rabbi does not the same but covers his eyes, instead. 'hey rabbi, don't you think you better hide your knob and your balls from those people?' - 'well, with you it might be a different thing, but my community usually knows me from my face..'

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Tantekäthe
A catholic priest and a rabbi go for a walk on the countryside. It is hot that day and when they arrive at a fount, the rabbi says 'hey, let us undress and take a bath!' The priest is reluctant first but gives in eventually. The water barely reaches their knees but is refreshingly cool. When they are just about to get out and dress again, they hear the stamping and chatting of a touring company that is approaching quickly. The priest immediately covers up his genitals with his hands and stands in astonishment when he notices that the rabbi does not the same but covers his eyes, instead. 'hey rabbi, don't you think you better hide your knob and your balls from those people?' - 'well, with you it might be a different thing, but my community usually knows me from my face..'

I ain't never seen no whiskey, the blues made me sloppy drunk
VINTAGE BLUES BLOG
-- but you don't really care for music, do ya?

Man: Doctor Doctor, I've broken my leg.
Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk properly again.

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iamthedj
Man: Doctor Doctor, I've broken my leg.
Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk properly again.

I don't get it.

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CindyC

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iamthedj
Man: Doctor Doctor, I've broken my leg.
Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk properly again.

I don't get it.

The Doctor was just kidding........Ha ha ha ha

Two Americans sitting at the bar, talking. One is Jewish and the other is of Chinese descent. They are getting a little deep into their cocktails when the Jewish guy turns and slugs the Chinese guy in the jaw.
"What was that for?!?" asks the Chinese guy.
"That was for Pearl Harbor!" the Jewish guy says.
"Pearl Harbor?" asks the Chinese guy. "That was the Japanese, not the Chinese!"
"Japanese, Chinese," says the Jewish guy. "What's the difference?"
They sit there a little longer, the Chinese guy rubbing his jaw. Suddenly, he turns and punches the Jewish guy.
"What was that for?!?" asks the Jewish guy.
"That was for the Titanic!" the Chinese guy says.
"Titanic?" says the Jewish guy. "That was an iceberg!"
"Iceberg, Steinberg," he says. "What's the difference?"

Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions. One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy, "what is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's.'

Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds."

You Know I'm Smiling Baby

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boston2006
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions. One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy, "what is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's.'

Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds."

..That's too funny..

I met a woman and she told me...."well baby...... well the blues ain't bad"...........

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EddieByword

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boston2006
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions. One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy, "what is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's.'

Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds."

..That's too funny..

LOL

Sorry for confusing you CindyC and Nicos, its a bad joke really, very dark, a play on the old Doctor Doctor formula. If I explained it any more it wouldn't be funny, some others I like are:


Doctor, Doctor. I feel like a pair of curtains!
Thats the least of your problems. You've got AIDS.


Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed.


A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.


Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.


Why did the clowns computer crash?
He tried opening too many applications at the same time


Why did the blonde get fired from her job at the fireworks factory?
Absenteesim and theft.


What do you call a black man driving a bus?
A bus driver, you racist.


Whats worse that finding half a worm in your apple?
Rape.


Paddy Englishman, Paddy Irishman and Paddy Scotchman are out hiking when they suddenly fall down a mineshaft. The fall kills Paddy Englishman and Paddy Irishman instantly while Paddy Scotchman is trapped under some rocks and eventually starves to death.



Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'


Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.



Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt
to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated
rainforest.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2011-07-13 21:07 by iamthedj.

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boston2006
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions. One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy, "what is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's.'

Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds."

Good one Boston.

Okay , I'll try another

Love making tips

The Italian says: When I've finished making love, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees. She floats 6 inches above the bed in ecstasy.

The Frenchman replies: That is nothing, When I've finished making love, I kiss all the way down her body and then I lick the soles of her feet with my tongue. She floats 12 inches above the bed in pure ecstasy.

The redneck says: Man, that ain't nuttin'. When I've finished porkin' the ol' lady, I git outta bed, walk over to the window and wipe my weiner on the curtains. She hits the f---in' ceiling.

You Know I'm Smiling Baby

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sweetcharmedlife

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boston2006
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions. One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy, "what is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's.'

Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds."

Good one Boston.

I wonder how they will react not saying "'Boy, these feel just like your sister's" but you call out her sisters name instead ".............Oh that was good"





Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2011-07-18 22:02 by NICOS.

Moshe was sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig and menacingly says, "Thanks Jew Boy, whatcha going to do about it?" Moshe burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying. What's your problem?"

"This is the worst day of my life," Moshe says. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the postman and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink; drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! "But enough about me, how's your day going?"

LOL, but I fail to understand why the guy is jewish - does that make it more funny

Elton John : Good morning, Atlantis, this is Elton John.
We wish you much success on your mission and a huge thank you to all the men who worked on Caribbean cruise for the last three decades.

Reporter : Sir, I'm asking about the space shuttle Atlantis!

What's the difference between a lover a mistress and a spouse?
During sex the lover says more,more,more
The mistress says harder,harder
The Spouse says yellow. We should definitely paint the ceiling yellow.

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Koen
LOL, but I fail to understand why the guy is jewish - does that make it more funny

Same though here, Koen.
I don't get why the guy had fo be Jewish.
May be tumbled could enlighten us. ..

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leteyer

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The Stones

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ChrisM

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Rolling Hansie

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Stoneage
Don't congratulate Japan too much. Maybe they will get hubris and attack Pearl Harbour once again!

Sorry, but some jokes are just not funny. Or maybe I am too stupid to understand this joke.

No, you are not too stupid...

Sorry, but it has soon passed 70 years since the attack on Pearl Harbour so I figured one could joke about it a little bit. Didn't mean to offend anyone. If I did, I apologize.

Honestly fellas, lighten up! It's just a f joke. While we're waiting for them Rolling Stones to perform at the London Olympic Games next year we need them silly jokes as well.

We already have a silly joke thread. Besides,their is NOTHING funny about Pearl Harbor.

No is not, and the guy apologized so ***k off.

"English girls they're so prissy" and so are some posters on iorr.
Laughing my arse off!!!

At least one person liked my joke then, The Stones! But mind you we have to be careful, this might very well end up in me having to apologize to half of the posters here! Not everyone appreciates WW2 jokes.

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Stoneage
At least one person liked my joke then, The Stones! But mind you we have to be careful, this might very well end up in me having to apologize to half of the posters here! Not everyone appreciates WW2 jokes.

Yeah, better not mention that.................





I met a woman and she told me...."well baby...... well the blues ain't bad"...........